Passwords make for cracking fun
Rod Main is another reader suffering from password trouble – just like, we think, the rest of you.
‘About a year ago we were told we had to use passwords that were at least eight characters long,’ he says. ‘They have to be a mixture of characters and numbers, have at least one capital letter and at least one non-alphanumeric.’
Otherwise known as strong passwords – except that the average password isn’t that strong.
‘The trouble is, to make such passwords memorable, you have to use something that is easier to guess – Fred$123, August-1964; making you comply with a set of rules actually makes it easier to crack a password. This is hardly news: this is how they cracked the Enigma codes at Bletchley.’
If only Hitler had used Windows, they would have had the entire plans for the invasion of Britain in PowerPoint format.
Backup that’s not too bright
Last week Bill Alsbury noticed his BrightStor backup schedule was not backing up until 24 April 2014 at 11am.
Martin Ericson at Punter Southall Group admits that he ‘didn’t pay too much notice’ until he checked this morning why his BrightStor backup had failed to run – and discovered that it was set for 16 May 2014
at 7.30pm. Which at least gives him time to finish installing Windows Vista.
‘What on Earth is going on?’ he asks.
We suggest he asks Alliance & Leicester, which seems to take the long view.
Wrong-way street
And talking of your ultimate journey, Shaun Pryszlak at IHS Energy has an exciting new motorway road sign that you don’t want to miss.
‘My favourite road signs are ones that I have seen in the US a couple of times,’ he says. ‘They simply say “Wrong way”. I think the reason for their existence is that the road system over there can be deserted in places. If you see this sign it just means you are heading the wrong way down the road.’
At which point, it would be good if the road remains deserted. As Shaun has lived to tell the tale, it obviously worked for him.
No plans for a return trip
We return to the question of who requires the ‘ultimate journey planner’.
‘The last thing I need is a planner for my ultimate journey, because I won’t be the one to plan it, and proper control of the vehicle would be tricky while laid out in a wooden box in the back,’ says Alex Gray.
And John Batty at JMJ Bulk Packaging – which sounds like he could box you up for the trip – asks: ‘Did the disk have a black border? Was there funereal background music? Was it supplied by Pearly Gates or Bill Gates? And the journey: do you select from two possible destinations, with the cemetery of your choice as a waypoint?’
Longest-term occupancy
Following the case of the Tesco voucher that expires on 31 November, Pete Morris at Off Centre Services has found another company with a more long-term view than the average.
‘I have just picked up a change of address form from the Alliance & Leicester,’ he writes. ‘It had “time at previous address” followed by six boxes: two for the months and four for the years. I think that anyone living in a house for longer than 99 years would be considered a record, but longer than 999 years? Does A & L have some really special customers?’
Suffering for one’s bling
Last week Dave Evans suggested an end to laptop-balancing problems at airports by using a Kensington lock around the neck to convert your computer to a heavy piece of jewellery.
‘I can’t help but be concerned that this could increase laptop snobbery,’ frets Daryl Hunt at Dicom Technologies, who worries that it will give one more way for owners of ultra-light laptops to show off.
‘One would also have to fear for the health of the owners of 17in widescreen models. With ailments such as Dell Belly, Acer’s Nipple and HP Nuts becoming the scourge of the technical jet set.’
If you have any similar ailments, please write to us to tell us about them – with pictures if you like.
Cultural learnings of cute passwords
The colleagues of Paul Jordan at Field Boxmore were surprised to be asked to change some ‘offensive’ passwords recently in their applications support centre.
The passwords in question: Iraqi, Afghan, Kazakhstan and Borat.
Confused as to how not to offend the manager in question, they opted for something neutral, and came up with Swiss, although they were still worried that this would cause as much offence as Kazakhstan did.
‘The best we could come up with were fluffy, bunny, cute and kittens, although frankly not everyone likes things that are fluffy and cute,’ says Jordan.
Anyone else suffer from password Nazis? And why, when the passwords are, by definition, secret?
Signing off
We suggested that instead of sending pictures of car crashes to your mobile phone to warn you of traffic jams, it might be safer to use the overhead signs put in place specifically to do this.
However… Murray Grainger at Elizabeth Finn Homes was in Canada recently, driving west towards Vancouver. ‘I noticed an overhead motorway sign that read: “Focus on the road”,’ he says. ‘But it was too late, I had taken my focus off the road and was reading the sign.’
Robin Jones at the Institution of Analysts and Programmers points out that the electronic motorway signs in his area frequently display the message: ‘This sign not in use’.
‘But they are, aren’t they?’ he says. ‘Otherwise how would I know that they weren’t in use? But if I know that they’re not in use, they can’t tell me anything, so I don’t know that they’re not in use.’
April foolish
Bill Alsbury at Spectrum decided to look at the schedule for his BrightStor monthly backup, which is scheduled for the first day of every month at 7pm.
When he checked, the next backup was scheduled for 24 April 2014 at 11am. So the question is: what exactly is the error that picks this time and day particularly?
We’re sure many of you have a theory on this. Meanwhile, we hope he has a UPS.
The ultimate in traffic confusion
‘Now that we know all about the various definitions of “pre” and the many ways of being active, inactive, proactive, reactive and possibly even preactive and postactive, can I raise the subject of “ultimate”?’ asks Antony Hawkins at the University of Sheffield.
‘I recently used an online route planner, described as “the ultimate journey planner”,’ he says.
‘Within 400 yards of my house, the ultimate journey planner instructed me to commit three traffic offences – using a bus/tram lane, then making a prohibited right turn that would also involve going over a pedestrian crossing illegally.
‘It then directed me to the M1 via a collection of residential and traffic-calmed streets, rather than the dual carriageway that leads directly to the next junction.’
His conclusion on the planner’s effort: ‘I had foolishly assumed that “ultimate” was being used to suggest “best”; it seems that it actually means: “the last one you’d ever use”.’
Let there be light
We asked for suggestions on how to brighten up the dark winter days, and frankly your suggestions show how difficult this is.
‘I am frequently the first one into the office in the morning so I often have endless – well, maybe about three minutes – fun walking up and down so that the movement detectors turn the lights on,’ says John Harris at Cheshire County Council. ‘You wouldn’t believe how exciting this is.’
Of course, this means that when you sit down at your desk, the best part of the day is behind you.
Chain in the neck
Dave Evans, who either works for ABBYY Europe GMBH or has a faulty keyboard, suggests how Sue Barnes’ problem juggling her laptop at the airport could be solved.
‘Use the Kensington lock and fashion a necklace out of the cable,’ he says. ‘This serves a dual purpose: not only does it entirely alleviate the need for a laptop bag, it makes it more difficult for thieves to steal your head.’
Wearing your laptop like a necklace also makes a statement of intent that will impress your fellow travellers, provided the cable doesn’t accidentally slice it up.
But, as Evans says, ‘the costs are minimal, making it ideal for anyone operating in the educational sector’.
Are you ready for too unlimited?
Our gripes about the optimistic claims made by broadband ISPs have unleashed a lot of pent-up frustration. Go on. Let it out. But don’t forget the power that the broadband ISPs wield in our society.
‘John’, who does not supply his full name or his company for fear of reprisal, asks: ‘How do advertisers of broadband get away with claiming they offer “unlimited” downloads “subject to a fair use policy”?
‘Surely, if something is unlimited it is without limits; but a fair use policy specifically implies an imposition of said limits. They might as well advertise “unlimited mileage” petrol that is subject to a “not driving too far” policy.’
However, Ric Naylor believes there is an alternative solution. ‘Increase the
literacy of our population,’ he says. Then we won’t confuse “up to”, which implies you might get 8Mbit/s but most likely won’t, with “guaranteed”.’
Hey, Bulldog
‘I would like to add a grump to the pile about TV adverts for broadband,’ says Barry Goldsworthy at Arlington Securities.
‘Bulldog’s ad, with the people shouting “open the gate” annoys me. When the ad kicks off, the girl says: “daddy, why is the internet so slow?” Daddy replies: “imagine the internet is like a gate half open…”’
As Barry points out, the internet is like nothing of the sort; the problem is that the little girl’s father is too tight-fisted to upgrade from dial-up.
‘Stop being a cheapskate and give her broadband,’ he says. And that would be broadband with unlimited use, because she’ll probably want to download all sorts of copyrighted music and films once this fabulous gate is indeed open.
Every day helps
What, you might ask, is the secret of Tesco’s success?
Peter Mabey reckons he has found out how the company manages to keep driving those profits up.
‘I’ve just been checking some old vouchers I had from Tesco, and see that the expiry date is 31 November 2006,’ he says.
‘Are they slipping extra days into the year?’
An ode to ogling
Another anonymous correspondent this week – with good reason this time – sends us a poem that begins: ‘I am an IT ogler/And ogling’s what I do.’
Should we be encouraging this? Well, we don’t publish anything without making fun of it, although our correspondent seems harmless enough.
‘They say my techie ogling/Makes them awfully mad/They say I should be ogling girls/And that I’m really sad/Since I can’t take my laptop/To hug in bed at night/I think I’ll give up ogling kit/My friends may well be right.’
It’s quite sweet, really. Oh, and creepy.
UPS, up and away
If you are thinking: ‘We love the UPS stories in Backbytes, there just aren’t enough of them’, then we concur with our regular correspondent Alistair Maclean, who recommends the eyebrow-raising stories of IT incompetence at thedailywtf.com.
It is not all UPSs of course: your colleagues, bosses and subordinates seem to be a able to make a life- or career-threatening scenario out of most possible IT functions. On the other hand, last week produced a juicy bunch of UPS anecdotes.
We quote from just one of them: ‘… but she forgot to tell the guys in the control room it was a test! I have NEVER seen three men move so fast. By the time she said: “we’re testing”, two helicopters were in the air and two fire departments had been notified.’
Ring binder
A desperate Sue Barnes contacts us from the University of Worcester.
‘I am at airport security with a jacket and coat, a passport and boarding card, a handbag and a laptop case. I am then asked to take the laptop out of the case so that it can be scanned separately,’ she explains.
‘Now I have to juggle the jacket, coat, passport, boarding card, handbag, case and the laptop.’
Her idea, which we can imagine popping up in Dragons’ Den in a year or so, is a little ring on each side of her laptop, so she can sling it on her shoulder when her hands are already full.
If anyone can think why this isn’t a good idea, we’d like to know. And if anyone else has a good idea, feel free to pitch it to the Backbytes panel of dragons.
Just remember our two rules: we don’t have any money, and we can’t possibly help you.
Public transport – it could catch on
‘I think I can improve Sebastian Thrun’s idea of a car in which he can send emails and read the paper while not having to concentrate on driving,’ says Mike Brownsell at GE Energy.
‘If it was large enough, such a vehicle could do a big car-share, perhaps along a pre-agreed course, and could pick up and drop off people en route. Perhaps a snappy Latin name such as omnibus,’ he suggests.
It’ll never catch on. Although on the other hand: ‘I already use such a vehicle – it’s called a train,’ says Richard Tomlinson at Pace Micro Technology.
Sound effects
Josh Chacko writes from the Cumbria Tourist Board to tell us you can listen to Lake District sounds at www.golakes.co.uk/lakesescapeline.
‘When all you can see out of the window is sheep, a weekly dose of Backbytes is something to look forward to,’ he says.
The fame game
Robert Eccleston at Creation Financial Services was looking at the Computing Awards winners in last week’s issue, and spotted someone he believes is a Coronation Street star, who would now appear to have carved out a career in IT.
Which set us thinking: do any of you work alongside colleagues who have experienced minor celebrity? Let us know, so we can reintroduce them to the limelight for our own amusement. And if you can provide a picture, that’s even better.
In a daze for days
‘A soloist can never offer you the musical possibilities of a duet. But a trio? Now that’s when things start getting interesting,’ says an email from Business Objects to Trevor Lucy, inviting him to a demonstration of its ‘unique end-to-end enterprise information management solutions to help you clean, combine and manage your data effectively’.
However, Trevor is worried that the trio might have trouble playing in time.
‘It was received showing a date of Thursday 5 November 2006. This followed Tuesday, which was 31 October 2006, when our implementation of a Business Objects Webi system showed 1 November 2006 as a Friday.’
Thankfully for Trevor’s confused colleagues at CSC, 1 November turned out to be a Wednesday after all – even for Business Objects.
An eye-opener
We too can do unscientific surveys for no discernible reason, just like BuySpecs4Less.co.uk last week. But we are taking the process to its natural conclusion and using a sample size of two.
‘I can answer the question: are men who ogle the most also the ones who are busy ruining their eyesight?’ says Andy Rimell at Quanta Training.
‘My work colleague Steve has 20/20 vision and spends at least eight months of the year, if not more, ogling women, while I have terrible eyesight and I barely ogle at all,’ he says.
A follow-up study is called for, but we are not sure we have five minutes to spare.
Read the big print
Matthew Trump has a good suggestion for improving the state of broadband advertising.
‘Is not the solution to this and other similar adverts to make a legal provision that ensures any qualifier is printed in larger font than the offer, so that we would have: “UP TO” in big font, and “8Mbit/s” smaller.
‘It is honest, it helps the punter, it is the same rule for everyone, and stops us from overpaying for a service that is not the one advertised, and for that reason it will never happen.’
Of course, if there is anyone from the broadband industry who would like to write to us to defend the way in which broadband speeds are advertised, we promise to read what you have to say. But we won’t guarantee not to make fun of you next week.
Car wars
Backbytes spotted this story about robot cars on the BBC. The Grand Challenge is the world’s toughest race for robot vehicles – cars that drive themselves – with $2m (£1m) on offer to the team whose car completes the 135-mile course in the fastest time.
The race has been organised by Darpa, the US government’s military research arm, which is keen to develop driverless technology.
‘The day when my car commutes for me and I can sit there, read the newspaper, do email in the car while the car is driving itself, that’s the ultimate victory,’ says designer Sebastian Thrun.
Yes, but can the car send traffic messages to a 3G mobile phone?
Call log jam
Jason Grube at Astech has another reason why sending traffic messages to a 3G phone isn’t practical.
‘By the time these messages are capable of being reliably sent, we will all be stuck in one very long jam so won’t be moving anywhere anyway.’
The truth about broadband
While so many of you have been criticising your ISPs for the speed of your ‘Up to 8Mbit/s’ broadband (now ruled out by our friends at the ASA as quite possibly misleading), it falls to John Loader at DotSix Brailling Services, to come up with a new legal, decent and honest way to advertise broadband speed.
‘How about “Faster than before (possibly) but far slower than you were expecting”?’ he suggests.
Go on punk, make my day
Working as a ‘computer systems analyst for industrial gas giant BOC’ has its compensations for reader Martin Day.
Well, actually leaving the industrial etc etc was the high point, as his colleagues compiled a spoof documentary for him, featuring his music career.
His interest in computers influences the naming of Martin’s next gritty punk project – Ctrl-Alt-Del, which Martin refers to as ‘the single most important non-music related thing I know.
Watch it here, but don’t say that we didn’t warn you.
Tour de force
Stuart Robertson at Albyn-IT is interested in customer relationship management, but he is very busy.
‘Thank you for registering for the Salesforce.com Success on Demand Tour in Edinburgh at the Glasshouse Hotel on Thursday. Our records indicate that you didn’t attend the event and we’re sorry that we missed you,’ said the email he received.
‘We hope that you found the sessions interesting, and that you came away with a good understanding of Salesforce.com and our product offerings.’
No, but we’re beginning to get a clearer picture.
Eye-eye
It’s a depressing time of year for opportunistic surveys, so we bring you the survey conducted last week by the wonderfully named BuySpecs4Less.co.uk, which tells us: ‘The average British male spends six months of his life ogling women.’
Apparently men target eight different girls for two minutes each, a statement which begs a few questions.
What if there are fewer than eight women in the office? Would it be more productive if men did all their ogling in one six-month period, and then got on with the things they were really meant to be doing? And are the men who ogle the most also the ones who are busy ruining their eyesight?
Enjoy a winter wonderland
Now that the clocks have gone back and the nights are getting chilly, we know that many of you will be suffering from winter blues in the office.
We were delighted to hear that the Cumbria Tourist Board has lost no time is cashing in on our unhappiness by launching the Lake District Escape Line – (0870) 224 1856, yes, it’s national rate for everyone, and you have to listen to them plugging holidays as well – which features sounds to cheer us up such as the sound of a sizzling Cumberland sausage.
We offer two challenges, both of which are more cost-effective than listening to food on the phone: how do you cheer yourselves up if it’s dark when you arrive at work as well as when you leave?
And if you could set up a helpline with sounds to cheer up your office, what would those sounds be?
