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Fat’s the way, aha, aha, I like it

Concerned letters continue to flood in about the national lard shortage. We can’t believe that it isn’t getting more coverage, and are expecting our in-depth coverage of the scandal to secure us an award for investigative reporting in the near future.
‘Have you considered the possibility that it’s all a marketing ploy for the new product: "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lard"?’ asks Mik Towse, of xemik.net.
‘I’ve had to grease my bread tins with butter for some weeks now, which is far less effective,’ says a reader too embarrassed at this culinary faux pas to reveal his name.
‘The other potential conspiracy is that there’s a shortage as the stuff gets used – in ever greater quantities – to persuade flavour into such things as fast food, so there’s less remaining for those of us with greasing needs. A public inquiry, perhaps?’
We will be calling for one at the earliest opportunity.

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