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Plumb the depths of toilet humour

As we’re raising the tone this week with stories of maggots, we return to John Clifton, who put a photo of his empty desk on the intranet, claiming it was his office webcam.
‘John Clifton’s tale reminded me of a great joke to play,’ says Gary Clinton. ‘Using a camcorder, you film your own empty toilet for 10 minutes and put the rewound tape into your VCR. When someone goes to the toilet you play the tape just before he or she returns, then you all look at the TV and laugh. They will think you’ve all been watching from a hidden camera! Has anyone got the nerve to try this at work?’ Only very stupid people. But then again, this is the stupid person’s column of choice.

...and then you can watch paint dry

Many of you were fascinated by last week’s item on the funnel of pitch, which has dripped eight times in 70 years.
‘If it has taken that long for pitch to fall from the funnel, how long did it take for Prof Parnell to pour it into the funnel?’ asks Howard Yates, at EDS. Oh, and we said that the eighth drop was about to fall. Actually it fell four years ago as Andrew McGuinness points out, so you missed it. But at least you’re in good time for the ninth.
And then it gets really weird. ‘Glass is also a fluid,’ says Jonathan Allport at CML Group. ‘Very old windows will by now be much thicker at the bottom of the pane than the top. Does anyone know of a webcam pointing at a 16th century window?’ Point us at it!

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